An Ode to Ichiro’s Statue Bat
Twas a day of celebration, a statue to reveal,
A tarp lay on your wooden frame, concealed beneath the teal,
They pulled it back for all to see, a legend standing tall—
The bat snapped off immediately… and reminded us all…
John Stanton is a cheap fuck!
And yeah—maybe this isn’t entirely Stanton’s fault… but it’s exactly the kind of thing that happens under his watch. We’re unveiling a statue for Ichiro Suzuki. One of the greatest (If not the greatest) Mariners of all time. One of the greatest players in MLB history. The first Japanese player in league history. And upon pulling the tarp, the bat breaks off the statue?
What’d you build it with—Legos? Elmer’s glue? Leftover budget from free agency? (The Mariners are 16th in payroll and it shows).
But we’re not even shelling out a few bucks to make sure we’re honoring the greats in the right way?
Don’t get me wrong, the bat breaking off was funny. The Mariners Social Media team did an awesome job, immediately posting a broken bat replica statue.
But this is embarrassing for the organization. As punishment, I sentence you to five years of Top 10 payroll. No appeals. No deferrals. No “we like our guys homegrown.”
Seriously, get us into the top 10 payroll and see what a difference that makes.